FlogWire

Tonight was a very interesting evening. The NLA-CFL group got together tonight at a member’s home for some classes and play. It was really fun to get together with everyone and have some fun together.

I got to experience needles for the first time tonight. That was a very fun experience. It happened very suddenly, however it was a great time…after I digested everything and processed what went on.

At first, fear completely encompassed my field of vision. I couldn’t maintain eye contact with Noelle. I had to suppress my fear of needles built up from all the past experiences I have had with them (from having blood drawn…to a horrid experience with an anesthesiologist) and try to make it a new experience. I was successful in the creation of the new experience, however once I was done (and I only got two needles in me before I was done…pics to come!!) I had to go in a bedroom just with Noelle and cry out the fear I had suppressed so that I could get rid of it.

I talked about what happened with Noelle. I think She was concerned about my crying being a negative reaction to what had happened, but then I further explained that it was purging the fear from my emotions so that I could begin processing the new experience.

After I settled down and talked, we moved into some more play. Noelle did some great blood play with knives on me a few nights ago. She made some nice cut marks on my chest and then carved an “N” into the middle of my chest right above my xyphoid process. It has also been bruised up a bit from her hitting it with her fist. It’s turned into the “Easy Button” for getting my attention…heh.

Noelle began doing some more rubbing on this spot and also some other chest work. This very nicely brought me to a great break. I cried when I broke, and was able to feel a great sense of relief as some of my burden was taken from me. Very soon after I broke, it happened again, and yet another break with tears came, taking more away from me.

I fell limp on the bed we were playing on and contemplated the time. I was very happy that I was able to break, and Noelle was as well. She asked if I had one more in me, and then began to work on me again after I didn’t say anything in reply. This build up was new, and it took even more energy and strength to work through as She hammered on my chest, pinching and pushing against the few tender spots She had made on my chest.

I suddenly realized through this that my hands were up in the air under Hers, palms facing upward…in a worship/reverence way. I just let myself go and started to invoke the presence of God by repeating “Hallelujah” over and over. I opened my eyes briefly only to see the face of God staring down at me. I closed my eyes again to capture the sight and just laid there as a shower of Grace and Mercy flooded my body, penetrating me to my soul. I grabbed at the feeling with my raised arms, keeping them open to fully receive God’s energy until the wave passed.

It was such an awesome experience…one that I had not had with God for a very long time. Afterward, I explained to Noelle what happened, and She asked some very good questions that helped me understand more deeply what had happened.

I got to explain how Grace and Mercy are two things given to us by God without merit. God gives us Grace because he knows that we are not good enough for Him without accepting Jesus as our Saviour. He also gives us Mercy without merit because we are all in need of forgiveness at one point or another in our Walk. It is a very humbling experience to receive these gifts from God…and it takes me a lot to get me in that humble of a state where I can openly receive it. This has only been the second time in my BDSM walk with God that such a strong outpour of Grace and Mercy was given to me. There are many times where I break and feel an Angel of the Lord coming to me to take away my transgressions and pain, but this is direct from The Source…and is so much more powerful.

I lay there on the bed just staring up at His face with my eyes still shut solid. I finally opened my eyes and tears showered from them onto my face. Noelle wiped them away and we continued to hold each other while I calmed down. As I was talking about the whole process with Noelle, I felt a fifth wave coming through me, and I enjoyed yet another break in my scene. I was quite surprised to have broken that many times (and for those who don’t know, a break can be equated to a climax in a sexual scene…however this one has a completely different meaning and physical reaction) as the most number of breaks I’ve had in a scene was two until this point.

Noelle and I got up from the bed and She helped me center myself and get my thoughts and emotions back together. We exited the room and went back to the patio where we had left. I’m very excited about getting comfortable with needles…and I am very interested in seeing where it leads me (I can just see myself covered in them…but will go one step at a time!). I am also seeking to grow a spiritual connection with this new BDSM venture. I have initially connected it with the passage in scripture that speaks of Jesus’ side being pierced by one of the soldiers to verify His death (John 19:33-35)…we will see if that continues to ring true.

I have re-read the beginning of The DaVinci Code where it talks about Silas…the one who murdered the curator of the museum in the beginning of the book. I read a passage again when it was explaining the idea of his faith…and it was boldfaced: “The test of your faith is how much pain you can endure.”

It was a very striking passage…and I can see how that fits very well with me. I enjoy that my faith is tested in that form…and it also gives me opportunities to commune with the Holy Spirit in a serene, tranquil place (my sub space). It is so nice to be this closely connected with my spiritual side and to know that I can incorporate things I learned in the Assembly of God church when I was very young with some of the ritual and practice done in the BDSM world. It makes me happy to know that I can still commune with God while being tested by His standards.

Now to continue reading the Bible to see what else I can find BDSM-related…I’m sure there’s something

It’s been about a week now (almost two!) since my collaring to Noelle, Ma’am. The ceremony was very serene…and there were such good words shared with everyone there.

I am so thankful for everyone that was able to attend. It was a great moment in my life that I was happy to share with everyone. There were people that I wanted to attend, but I know that not everyone could come, for one reason or another. You all are still in my heart and mind every day, and I cherish the friends I have right now in my life.

At first, I was thinking that there would be this gigantic, long-winded post about everything that happened. For those that want to know, they can ask me. I don’t think that text on the Internet can convey the thoughts and feelings and energy that was exchanged that day…the photos that I have of the event can’t even come close.

I am enjoying every day of my life with Her. It’s been such a great time, and I’ve already learned new things and expanded limits.

This weekend was a great time. I got to hang out with Tom, Mikey, and Brooks at 2606.

Noelle joined me for the evening, and Dawn and Nanci stopped in for a while too. It was quite funny hearing the comments from the guys around the bar.

When the gang got there, we talked for quite a while…and I had just enough to drink to be able to talk to Tom and say what I wanted to say without making a scene or not seeing the end of the road where I wanted to be after the conversation. What we said to each other was short and simple, and then we continued on our merry cruising way

I am so relieved that I can still grow the friendship between myself and Tom, as well as Mikey and Brooks. It was so hard to maintain the friendship during our rough times, but I know now that things will be much better. I love all of them deep in my heart, and they will always have a special place in my life.

Noelle was walking out of the bar with me and right before we got to the doorway, she snatched my hair back and grabbed my throat, saying that She had given me more freedoms tonight than I would normally have, but they were given to me because I needed to have them for this evening, and to accomplish what I needed to accomplish. Mikey apparently saw this happen, and was quite surprised…but the next day I explained that it was a good thing…hehe

I got back to Noelle’s home and we continued to talk about the evening. After some time, she pushed me up against the wall and started to work on me a bit…playing with my chest. Normally, my chest is used for sexual play, but she dug her fingernails all over my chest, digging in very deep…sending me flying!

At one point apparently I said “No” when she went for my stomach (a sensetive area…heh). She proceeded to put me up on the wall by my throat and hold me there until I had apologized enough…heh. That was quite interesting…

We did a lot of talking through the scene. She made a lot of good points to me, and said a lot of nice things. I’m still very grateful for all that she has given me and taught me…and I will be so happy when we have my collaring ceremony on Sunday.

It was such a great weekend!

First of all, i hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend and that at one point or another, took the time to pause and reflect at the sacrifice that others made to help form this wonderful country we live in today. It really is important

Saturday night was O/our dinner with ClubFem Tampa. It’s a FemDomme group created for those in FemDom relationships. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femdom if you need to know more about it…Wikipedia is your friend)

It was my first night as Her collared boy. i received my collar of consideration from her before we got going for the evening…something i was completely surprised to receive She had thought before to not place it on me, but She said it would do me good to wear it to get used to the mode.

She also bought me a black button-up shirt to wear. i was completely flabbergasted. It was the first time i was ever given something by a Dominant, and you’d think that i hadn’t ever worn something so nice with the way i felt wearing that shirt.

Dinner went very well. i behaved appropriately, and it was noted at the end of dinner. i was very happy to get to go out and see friends and make new friends, and i will be looking forward to doing that again.

i am so happy to have Noelle as my Domme. It’s placing a lot into action in my life that i have wanted to have for a very long time. There’s a lot that i am learning on a daily basis, and i am grateful to have someone to teach me that in a constructive, positive way.

There’s still lots of unanswered questions that remain between me and Tom. i am still uncertain on what happened there, and why nothing ever came of the relationship of late. Perhaps it was another one of those “when complacent, life changes” events…either way i hold no ill will toward anyone, and hold no grudges.

i know who i serve spiritually and physically, and it is pleasing to see some harmony between myself and those two important aspects of my life. Not to say that those two people are placed at the same level, however They both satisfy a big part of my life that i always need to keep.

Just browsing passages and thought this would be good for reflection in the future for me:
2 Corinthians 9:8 (NIV): And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Crossposted from Noelle’s blog on Her myspace…

Title: so happy i could cry…and have *grin*

Thursday, May 15, 2008

sleepless night.. almost
Current mood: contemplative

Why am I awake at 4am?

I have to be up early to do a favor for a friend, and yet here I am, wide awake at 4am. Thoughts weigh heavy on my mind. Saturday night’s events, Tuesday night’s discussions, and many other random moments streaming through my brain at lightening speed refusing to quiet down and let me rest. Did I do all I could have? What could I have done better, different, more of, less of, worse?

I cringe sometimes when I think about how so many other folks don’t feel the same responsibility when in the same situation. They take it much too lightly or far too seriously, but in either direction, it’s not enough. It is someone else’s life. What have I done to deserve such an honor, burden, joyous event? I only hope I can meet expectations. How do I thanks someone for such an overwhelmingly wonderful gift?

I was just hoping that getting some of that out of my head would allow me to sleep for just a little bit longer. I guess we will see.

This post is not meant to make sense to anyone else but U/us.

(Standard disclaimer: It’s about BDSM…if you don’t want to read about it, then don’t! It’s not violence…not abuse… For those who want to read it, read the WHOLE THING! There’s a very important announcement at the bottom)

Wow…last night. Where the hell do i begin?

Yesterday was the Tampa munch and Fetish Circuit party. i started the day by driving home from visiting my parents, celebrating Mother’s Day, and made it to the Munch at 3:30. i got to visit with everyone and i got to see Noelle…was a good time.

Afterward, Noelle and i went to the mall across the street and i helped Her look for some perfume for Her mother. She’s kinda allergic, so i had to help Her look for a good fragrance.

We went to Hot Topic and i got some hair paint for the evening, as i was going to do my usual and gussy up my hair…i had also run into Miss Cat who is an awesome face painter. She said that She would love to come out and paint faces…i have pics!!

Before circuit, Rob joined me, Nanci, and Ms. Dawn for dinner. It was a lot of fun, and we got this hilarious server that paused every time he walked up to the table because of the conversations we were having there (and you can just imagine…heh). We all made it back to circuit and started the evening.

Brad was there, and it was going to be one of his last circuit parties for a while as he is moving to Canada to take an excellent job. i am very proud of him…and he’ll have enough time to get down here to visit. He said that he is already making plans to make Florida Fetish Weekend.

Brad put me into a semi-suspension again with some rope. We were going to try a full suspension…but it’s going to take a bit more than just rope to do that because of my size. That’ll be in the works!

After he got me tied up and attached to the frame, I had asked Noelle if She would flog/beat me there since i’d be more comfortable and be able to stand there longer because of the semi-suspension (takes a LOT of weight off the legs). She had planned to scene with me that night, so it worked out well.

Last night’s scene with Noelle was quite interesting. Most of my scenes are usually focused on me grounding out my pain and stress…and i got that out of me during the beginning. Then i felt a stopper placed on that, and i was no longer able to ground out my stress…no matter how hard i tried.

i sat there for a bit wondering what was going on while Noelle continued to work on me. i actually called “yellow” on a few things, which is not normal for me. i think that because of the new suspension set up, not being on a cross as normal, and the fact that i had my face painted and didn’t want to mess it up…it was a bit more challenging for me.

i killed my shoulder muscles by constantly trying to pick myself up off the ground (reaction from the scene…heh), so those were especially tender…and still are this morning…lol…can’t wait to type at work tomorrow.

We apparently scened for quite some time. i thought it was only about 30 minutes long, but apparently it was much longer. Rob said that he heard Noelle working on me for a very long time. It certainly shows on my back this morning. *grin*

As my meditation is usually in scene, i spent some time with God and the Holy Spirit…reconciling my life and my sins…asking for yet another dose of grace and a handful of forgiveness. But then it stopped and my mind cleared as my spirit returned to my body. i then realized that it was my turn to focus on Noelle and isolate the two of us in the scene.

The rest of the scene went wonderfully. Noelle came in close and used her fingernails on my back and arms. It was very relaxing and calming. i stood there for a while just breathing measured breaths, focusing on Her hands and body.

Noelle came around to the front of me and we looked at each other. i told her that it was an interesting end to a scene, as God was not here. i told Her that apparently this scene was not for God or for me…it was for You.

Side note: the two of us have had prior conversations about me being in service to Her, and the discussion of a collar. It’s been something in the works for quite some time now.

i told Her that this scene was about the two of us, no one else. i told her that i would be honored to wear her collar and would like to be in service to Her. She reminded me about Her offer for me to be Her boy, and i said that i would like that. We mutually understood that it would happen, and She granted my request to be in service to Her and wear Her collar.

it was simply amazing. my heightened emotional state led to a bit of crying, but i did keep things together when we talked about it. Brad got me down from the suspension frame, and i gathered up Noelle’s tools back in to her toy bag and wheeled it back to the storage area.

i didn’t tell anyone at first except Ms. Deb. She is a wonderful friend that i have had the pleasure of knowing for some time…and i knew that She would want to be the first to know. She was very happy to hear about it and was very proud of me and very happy for Noelle.

The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur. I got lots of cool pictures of the rope burn that I had on my chest as well as the initial damage on my back. A lot of it has absorbed into my back this morning, but there are still some nice bruises My flickr album will have the pics if anyone would like to see them. i am very happy about my accomplishment in status with Noelle and i am looking forward to learning a lot about being a sub from Her. i have recently realized that i’m a very good bottom when it comes to BDSM, but i need to learn the difference between bottom and sub. Before this year, i did not realize the difference…and i’m enjoying the ride along the way.

Where can I begin…I really want to take the time to write this out, so I apologize if this post is long

I had an absolutely awesome Easter weekend (aka “Zombie Jesus” weekend…hehe). I don’t think that I could have had a better weekend, except had I been involved in a crucifixion scene…but that remains on the “things to do” list for another year.

Friday evening I got off of work, drove home and got changed to go to the Tampa Leather Club meeting. I hadn’t seen Tom and Mikey for MONTHS!! It was so overdue, and I was so happy to see them again. Tom was showing off his “fauxhawk” and it was quite amusing…hehe. We had a successful meeting and made some planning for our coming up dungeon run at Sawmill. I had to leave soon after the meeting to go to the Castle to hang out with Amber/friends for her birthday party.

As soon as I got to the Castle, I found the group by Noelle’s waving, then the immediately visible drunken Amber dragging me toward the group. They had been there for a while and it was their second stop on the bar crawl of the night…hehe. I said hello to everyone and then we proceeded back down the stairs I had just walked UP, to the outside where we danced (well, more like stood there and bounced) to the music. Amber was so funny…and so was Grimm, her hubby. Grimm and I have fabulous pictures of all of us dancing together…it was an awesome time.

I got home really late and got to bed as soon as possible. Saturday was the trip to Orlando…

The Orlando Munch was it’s usual wonderful time. I got to say hi to everyone, get some good food, and catch up with everyone who had gone to Kimmie’s birthday party the previous night. I got to carpool over with Noelle and Debra. Debra is such an awesome person and I have loved spending time with her every time I’ve been with her. We had great conversation on the way over.

After the Munch, I went with Cecil’s household to get ready for The Woodshed because Noelle and Debra were going back to the hotel to get ready and I wanted to go to the rope demo that was to be prior to the dungeon opening. I got to hang out with Muse, someone I became great friends with and gained a good network connection with.

I have a fun time at the rope demo learning a few basic knots and how to tie a basic rope dress. I have pictures of the one I did later on someone I met there. She looked really good in it. I then grabbed a few slices of pizza and ate some snacks before the dungeon began.

The Tampa group showed up after a lot of people had arrived, but it was definitely getting into full swing when they showed up. People were definitely there to play and not necessarily to socialize. I had a great time meeting up with friends I knew from the lifestyle, and I got to talk to some new people. I met a guy named Tyler, and we hit it off quite nicely. He makes metal canes, which will come in to scene in a bit

The dungeon was busy the entire time we were there. We kept trying to find room to get in to play but things kept moving with such fluidity that we couldn’t catch on quick enough…heh. I did get to tie a nice rope dress to a girl (whose name I have now forgotten…ugh! so bad with names!) and got some pictures of it, then later we both topped Muse and I actually got to do some topping on ass flogging and paddling. That was a lot of fun, and Noelle and Cecil gave me some great feedback and complements on how I did. Their pointers were well-received and will be put into play the next time I scene. I also got some great complements from the rope demo teacher as he watched me tie the rope dress to the girl…he was happy with how I turned it into a quite nice design.

As the evening drew to a close, the Tampa fetish group decided to put five of us up on this large spiderweb wooden frame for all of us to be played with at once. I invited Tyler into the group because I had mustered up the strength and courage to take a metal caning. I told Noelle about it and she arranged to watch over me and contribute as well, since she wanted to play with me too (and I wanted to play with her…hehe). We had a wonderful time.

I got to spread some of my humor energy during the large scene. We must have played for over an hour, almost an hour and a half if I recall correctly. All I know is that I was so tired from standing that my shins were stinging when walking. It was a lot of fun.

I got to experience some nice metal canes. Some thick and blunt, some smaller with some sting. All of them were a large challenge for me, and for some of them I was surprised that my spine and shoulders weren’t breaking (and laughing at some when I realized it too…hehe). Some of the things I said during the scene made everyone laugh, and I really enjoyed that. I was finally able to say some of the things that I always say, and since the music wasn’t a deafening volume, everyone heard them and laughed accordingly. At a few points I even threw Tyler off balance since he was laughing so hard. I mean, face it…you smack the shit out of someone and he responds “Wow…nothing broke…sweet!” That’s going to get some laughs.

Again I get to experience some great knife play. Noelle and Tyler played with a wartenberg wheel on me, which broke me nicely and I got to get a slight decompression out of it. That gave me a great amount of stamina to keep standing there. I also got to experience a dragon’s lash and a nice single tailing, which both add some nice auditory ambience to the room from the sounds of the tail cracking (and then me responding too…heh). One tool that Tyler had was a 440 cable looped once to a handle, which bruised deeply (the marks have come in clearly and you can really see the round shape of them…very nice tool) and felt great. My back was a battle field mess once everyone was finished…and Noelle/Tyler poured alcohol on my back just to prove it…heh…alcohol on open wounds is so much fun.

Lady Kristie and Susan got to play with me too, and that was fun to feel their contribution to the scene. They’re so wonderful to play with.

I think I was one of the last to break and get down from the spiderweb. At the end I asked to get cooled down, and Noelle took the helm to bring me down. The only thing I remember from the end of the scene is my breaks (the second AND the third one!). Again, the release was so strong and the stress I had empathized from others was so built up that I balled my eyes out. Apparently this was the first time that a few had seen me (or someone) cry like this at a breaking point because I kept hearing Noelle mouth “He’s okay, he’s okay” and then quietly saying it when they didn’t get the message. The first wave passed and I stood there sobbing quietly as I regained my footing. I also said “I’m fine” in the middle of all of it so that others would understand that I’m okay.

Then Noelle squeezed harder…and another wave came on even stronger than the first. This one was my pain and frustration/stress leaving my body. I apparently bumped my head up against the spiderweb frame so many times that I now have a superficial bruise on my forehead (thankfully not a mark! heh)…it was that relieving. I took a few breaths, got a tissue from Kristie, and then went over to get packed up for the evening.

It really was such a relief for me. Walking away from that dungeon was a refreshed, renewed, and empty vessel ready to continue my work in life. Zero stress, level-headed, and ready for action I often find that I am disappointed in what life hands me when I set expectations in life, and I am slowly learning that I can reasonably expect certain things from people, but I can’t get so specific. It’s hard to rely on others for everything, and I am learning that very quickly in life. I am also happy with how I am progressing in the BDSM lifestyle, and that I’m getting opportunities to play in Top space (which was a LOT of fun!) and display my artistic style and flair in my own way. The rope dress and spanking Muse were both firsts for me, and I am so happily surprised that I am able to apply what I have learned so far and switch places, as well as developing my own personal style. I see great things for me in these endeavors, and I am happy with the friends I see helping me along the way.

I can’t wait for the next dungeon run! It sucks that such a nice place has to be in the Orlando area when gas is so expensive…I’ll have to figure out a good budget for making time to get over there.

Of course…if I left out anything, please let me know!!

Yes, it’s already the start of the new year, and we’re well into it, but I wanted to make a good post that I have thought about for a while.

It’s been a lot lately balancing my budget, time with my friends, and taking time to analyze my personal habits and lifestyle. I want 2008 to be a meaningful year to me, even more than the previous years have. I am very proud of myself for coming this far, and can’t wait to see what is next in store for me.

I think that last night was one of the most significant things that I’ve done all year. Saturday night’s Fetish Circuit party at Chambers was absolutely amazing. There were a LOT of people there…which I thought would inhibit play for me, but it was not a problem at all. I had just finished talking to my good friend Brad about doing a suspension scene with rope and then Noelle flogging me, but then Knoxx approached me and asked if he could play with me.

Knoxx is a straight male dominant. He’s absolutely gorgeous and has a wonderful personality. Apparently he had caught on that I was interested in him, and so he wanted to talk with me about it. He told me from the beginning that he doesn’t mind playing with boys, but he is straight and that is where he draws the line. I had absolutely no problem with that, of course, and he felt relieved that it was not going to be a barrier for us to play. We talked about some options, including some flogging and impact play (his own hands, beatsticks, etc), and when he saw my positive reaction to knife play, he was sure that we were to have some fun.

Fun doesn’t begin to describe the experience we had. We started at the St. Andrew’s Cross, him putting me in a set of slip-style wrist restraints…which I did not like since they were rather restricting the harder I pulled on them. I told him I didn’t like them and wanted something else, and he obliged…rather intrigued and happy that I was giving him this much feedback. After putting me in something more comfortable, we started with some flogging and some beatstick/hand impact play. One of our mutual friends named Jerry joined in, and he did some flogging with me as well. He’s got these great finger floggers that attach by slipping onto the fingers…they were a lot of fun and definitely a new and very neat way to flog.

Knoxx continued after that with some wooden sticks that were about 3″ wide and almost 2 feet long, beating them against my back for a bit. Marilyn Manson was playing, so it was a rather fun song to experience that to He asked me where I was on a pain 1 to 10 scale, and when I responded with a fair “3″, he knew exactly what he could do to make this even more interesting.

Knoxx then proceeded to beat the ever loving fuck out of me. He really ramped up the impact play and incorporated his fingernails. I swear I have never tried to climb up a cross as much as I did when he started using his fingernails. It got so intimate that at one point when he stopped to take a breather, I wrapped one leg around him since he was standing right behind me. I could tell that caught him off guard, but he rolled with it by saying “I suppose that’s a good reaction, yes?” I nodded, agreeing completely.

Knoxx switched to a blade and started running it along my back. He was very good at doing this…taking long and short strokes…using the point against my skin…everything was excellent! Knives really move me, since it is such an intense and intimate contact, involving a LOT of trust in not only the two involved, but the utensil used as well. Knoxx took a step back and let Jerry work on me with some knives as well, and it was really cool to see how the two of them complemented their styles on my back.

Not long after I started feeling the knives did I start breaking. I cry when I break (for the vanilla peoples, breaking is an equivalent to an orgasm, for all intents and purposes), so my eyes flushed with tears and some started to fall down my face. Noelle was watching, and she realized it and (as I learned later) made Knoxx aware that I was breaking so when he stepped back in, he continued, and I peaked and started cooling off from the first break. It wasn’t over…

Knoxx had a pair of rather nice curved blades that he used on me very nicely. He then switched to a handheld one that fits between two fingers, turned my head to the side, and did some very detailed etching on the side of my face and neck. His body was right on mine…and he was so soft.

I said “Fuck you!” as he continued to do this. He laughed and said “Ya like that, huh?”, realizing that I was cursing him for being so close to me, yet so straight…hehe. We both laughed and he continued working on me.

There wasn’t much left that I remember after that, other than some really intense impact play and his wonderful fingernails again on my back. He began getting really aggressive with me, yelling “I’m gonna break you, yeah?” loudly in my ear as I started getting close again…and he took the curved blade and stuck it right on my throat above my adam’s apple. That was the first time I had ever had that happen to me. It was very scary, and it was the first time I felt real submission out of an external force. The feeling was awesome, and I felt my body shift as I submitted to his hold.

He slowly backed off with his blade and went to the other side of the cross, so we could see each other. He started softly touching my face and dragging his fingers down my face as waves of crying erupted from my mouth. I was shaking so hard I could barely contain myself. “Just let it out…let it all out” he said softly as I felt an enormous emotional weight lift off my shoulders.

After I finally cooled down, Knoxx went to get me a chair. When he took my arms down from the cross, my first question was asking him if I could kiss his boots as a sign of thanks. He allowed me, and I knelt and did so. He asked me to stand and then he offered me the chair. I do not usually need to sit after those sessions, so I stood and regained my composure. I grabbed a hold of Knoxx and hugged him so tightly, thanking him for his excellent work. Those were his brand new Harley Davidson boots, worn for the first time, and I was his first sub to kiss them, and if I recall correctly, the first to ever ask to do that to him.

Knoxx also informed me that he was successful in finding his Dom space for his second time…which was absolutely amazing. I certainly enjoyed the scene…and knowing that made it even more fun. I told him that all he needs to do now is find his evil gay twin…hehehe

I got some great pointers from Knoxx…many things that I wanted to be told to procure (a belt and polished boots) so that they would have reason when worn. He has been raised Old Guard, and I really appreciate that lifestyle path. I can’t wait for us to continue this friendship and see where it goes. I had some fabulous marks left on me, and they are on my flickr album ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/bradyreloaded )  Just make sure you are signed in so you can see the NSFW photos that I have. If you can’t find them, let me know for a direct link.

Time for me to go to bed. This week, my sister turns 22! I’ve just added her to my myspace, so check her out! Her name is Suzanne. I will be visiting her in the greater Jacksonville area this weekend!

Okay, Brady. Sit down and write a blog post…

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. So much wonderful stuff is happening for me right now, but it’s being constantly clouded by the digging I’m doing to get myself afloat financially. I’m going to make it, and it’s going to be helped by my taxes and such…but I need to buckle down and make it there

Keep me in your thots!! There’s a bunch of stuff coming up for me this year, and I want to be able to make all my ends meet.

A lot has been going on…I hope everyone is having a great holiday, as I know I am!

Mike and I are at the IP Hotel and Casino in Biloxi, MS. I’ve just had my first (and probably last) gambling experience. Was a fun time, but I haven’t much left to say about it…but hey, I’ve experienced it and had a good time…and I have learned a lot.

I’ve re-joined World of Warcraft again…I’m playing on two servers usually…I like it a lot. If you play, you should let me know if we’re on the same server.

I’m so excited about my new job at work. I love property claims. It is such a fun time talking to our members when dealing with property claims. I’ve already had many wonderful experiences and I can’t wait for many more. There was a recent change in the company, as our CEO retired, but I know that it is just another opportunity for more to move up.

May everyone remember what they are thankful for and take time to pass that along to others this holiday season.